Cheerleader Ninjas: Kevin Campbell

When I saw Kevin Campbell's Cheerleader Ninjas on Netflix streaming, two thoughts immediately went through my mind. First, I can't believe that I've found another Troma film I've never heard of before. Second, I have to watch this. Having now seen it, I have two more thoughts. First, that definitely wasn't a Troma film. Second, I really, really, really wish I hadn't watched it. This film has its tongue so firmly in its cheek that it's broken through, wrapped around the entire circumference of the earth, and plopped back into its own mouth. There isn't an opportunity missed for a eye-rolling pratfall, inappropriate joke, and deliberately terrible, over-the-top performance. And that would be alright if the film actually was funny. But with only a few exceptions (which admittedly were so good they saved this film's score from a 1/10) Cheerleader Ninjas didn't make me laugh. There's this running obsession with fart and poop jokes. At times random farting sound effects will pop up that have nothing to do with what's going on onscreen. It made me feel sick; and not in an entertaining way like in Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006), but in a I-want-to-unironically-throw-up kind of way. And yet, I have no doubt that all of this was intentional. This film was SUPPOSED to be blindingly stupid and over-the-top like in Troma films. But whereas even the most inane Troma films seem to carry some level of irony or political commentary, Cheerleader Ninjas is just...dumb.

2/10

The Golden Child: Michael Ritchie

Apparently Michael Ritchie's The Golden Child originated as a more serious "Raymond Chandler" detective drama that happened to feature supernatural elements. It was only after Eddie Murphy was cast in the lead role that the film was reworked into a comedy. And let me tell you: it shows. You can almost see where the filmmakers sutured in moments where they just told Murphy to either ad-lib or do Axel Foley shtick. Here is a movie that tries to run solely on two things: over-the-top "Far East" pseudo-Tibetan mysticism and Murphy's personal charisma. Much like Ivan Reitman's earlier film Ghostbusters (1984), it tries to combine comedy with big-budget special effects sequences. Only whereas the former film had several comedians at their prime in front of and behind the camera, The Golden Child has only one. And, tragically, they never really let him say or do anything that inherently funny. I'm not sure if the original serious version would have worked, but I imagine it would have at least been better than this.

4/10

The Rains Came: Clarence Brown

Clarence Brown's The Rains Came is one of the oddest classical Hollywood pictures I've seen. The reason is that it contains one of the most shockingly progressive and non-stereotypical depictions of India that I have seen in ANY Western film. While the film does feature actors in brown-face (this was the 1930s, after all) there are practically no grating, offensive Indian accents or moments where we are supposed to laugh and marvel at how backwards their culture is. All of the Indian characters are earnestly dead-set in trying to improve their country. Of course, this is still an India under the purview of British colonialism, but the native Indians are portrayed as being more concerned with modernizing their nation than any of the Europeans/Americans are. Yet despite all of this, The Rains Came staggers under one crucial flaw: it uses the death and suffering of countless Indians via earthquake and flood as a framing device for the melodramatic relationships of the Western characters. In truth, I wouldn't be too bothered by this (relatively speaking, I mean) if the film had been properly paced. But the first half drags mercilessly and the characters' emotions never reach the same scale as the carnage they encounter.

6/10

The Second Mother: Anna Muylaert

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-the-second-mother/62662.

8/10

Broken Lullaby: Ernst Lubitsch

To read this review, go to: http://www.theblackmaria.org/2015/08/27/b-roll-ernst-lubitschs-broken-lullaby-1932/.

6/10

Chloe and Theo: Ezna Sands

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-chloe-and-theo/62624.

3/10

Some Kind of Hate: Adam Egypt Mortimer

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-some-kind-of-hate/62500.

2/10

Gor: Fritz Kiersch

Fritz Kiersch's Gor (1988) is nothing more than a mostly harmless piece of campy fantasy schlock—a story about a nerdy professor who gets teleported to a world of high adventure and becomes a hero. Trying to mimic the narrative compactness of Star Wars, it introduces a slew of strange yet cliched characters in record time, gives them a goal, and sets them loose. Yet the story never truly comes together. Instead Gor feels like the cliff notes version of a television show. There are too many absurdities to the story to count: the hero's mastery of armed combat in about a day; gratuitous pit-fighting scenes between scantily-clad women; a scene where the heroes IMMEDIATELY pick a fight with the guards in the main villain's hidden city and subsequently get captured...just because. The effects are cheesy (much of the story revolves around a "Heart Stone," a giant piece of plastic with a pulsating neon light in the middle), the fight choreography never gets any more complicated that the actors smashing their bodies into each other, and it jumps the gun sequel-baiting by introducing the next movie's villain in the final few minutes.

5/10

The Devil's Backbone: Guillermo del Toro

The Devil's Backbone captivates first and foremost as a chilling ghost story, but ultimately as a crystallization of director Guillermo del Toro's personal themes that would reach their apotheosis in his later film Pam's Labyrinth (2006): a concern with children living in a war-torn world; villains who are more monster than human; and a deliberately skewed dichotomy between the worlds of fantasy and reality. Del Toro's storytelling acumen proves ferocious as he juggles multiple storylines without dropped or confusing any of them. There's a scene two-thirds in involving an explosion that completely redefines the direction of the story. A lesser filmmaker would have balked at it. But del Toro doesn't flinch. In doing so, a good ghost story becomes a great one.

8/10

π: Darren Aronofsky

Darren Aronofsky's π proves that thrillers can still be thrilling while being intellectual and thought provoking. Here is a film centered around numerology, Kabbalah, and mental illness that hits harder than most action movies. Visually, Aronofsky seems to have raided David Lynch's closet where he kept all of his materials from Eraserhead (1977); the name of the game here is stark, disorienting black-and-white cinematography. I particularly enjoyed his technique of cutting to white for a few seconds during moments of extreme distress, a tactic he may have picked up from Krzysztof Kieslowski's Three Colors: Blue (1993). But the film also demonstrates the nascence of Aronofsky's lightning fast quick-cut editing style that would be perfected in Requiem for a Dream (2000). Feverish, frenetic, and frightening, π demonstrates that with the right amount of talent and hard work cinematic brains beats cinematic brawn.

9/10

The Cool World: Shirley Clarke

Full disclosure: I'm not giving Shirley Clarke's The Cool World a "N/A" rating because I don't think it deserves one. Truth be told, I think that the film easily deserves an 8/10, perhaps even a 9/10. But I can't make that call because the only copy of the film that I could find was in terrible quality: the picture was grainy and the audio was so poor that if French subtitles hadn't been hard-coded onto it I wouldn't have been able to understand what they were saying most of the time. AND STILL I ended up loving The Cool World. It features a bold visual kineticism that predicts Martin Scorsese at his most frantic and a whole decade of grainy 70s New York City thrillers. The Cool World isn't just a screech of fury against the institutionalized racism that traps generations of minorities in systemic poverty and dooms many of their children to lives of crime and violence, it's a time capsule of a tragically overlooked urban ecosystem. If there is any justice in the world the film will get a full restoration IMMEDIATELY. Only then will I be able to give it a proper rating.

Straight Outta Compton: F. Gary Gray

The most fascinating parts of F. Gary Gray's Straight Outta Compton--a rags-to-riches biographical film about the rise and fall of gangsta rap pioneers N.W.A--have nothing to do with the aforementioned rags nor the aforementioned riches. Instead, Straight Outta Compton shines as a cultural time capsule of the nascent gangsta rap movement and the cultural stresses that informed it. Documentary footage of the Rodney King beatings, the L.A. Riots, and recreations of violent LAPD-operated drug busts in poor neighborhoods contextualize the group's outrageous music, proving that such classic hits as "Fuck tha Police" were symptoms, not causes, of a minority community facing abhorrent systematic racism and limited economic opportunities. I was equally astounded by the astute casting of rap legends. Plenty has already been said about the chameleonic casting of young men who look exactly like the members of N.W.A., but I'd like to point out that when Marcc Rose appeared as Tupac Shakur, my breath left my body. More informed critics than myself can comment on whether or not the film did justice to N.W.A.'s story. But as a film, particularly in light of the recent upsurge of protests against police violence, Straight Outta Compton succeeds.

8/10

Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation: Christopher McQuarrie

Christopher McQuarrie's Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, in addition to having one of the most grammatically tortured titles in Hollywood history, is an enjoyable throwback to old school spy films in both the best and worst ways. Impossible Mission Force agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) leads his merry band of secret agents and computer hackers on a globe-trotting expedition to capture the head of a network of international terrorists. Along the way there are spectacular stunts--the opening scene involving Cruise literally strapping himself to the side of an airplane taking off was my favorite--and warm re-visitations of beloved spy film tropes. Some of these, such as the backstage-at-the-opera battle, are delightful. Others, such as the enigmatic master villain whose vague realpolitik motivations are never truly explained, are frustrating. Ultimately little sets the film apart from its contemporaries other than an engrained enthusiasm and a sense of fun permeating even its most serious moments. Rising neither to the self-consciously absurd ludicrousness of the Fast and the Furious franchise nor (thankfully) the dreary realism of the Bourne series, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation maintains a pleasant, if predictable, middle ground.

7/10

The 'Burbs: Joe Dante

In my opinion, the real appeal of Joe Dante's The 'Burbs isn't its loving send-up of Middle America suburbia, its creepy atmosphere, and wonderful set design. Instead, it's the chance to hang out with interesting, eccentric characters like Bruce Dern's Lt. Mark Rumsfield, a truculent war vet with a mechanical flag-pole in his front yard and a closet full of state-of-the-art military gear. It's the chance to spend time with Corey Feldman's Ricky Butler, an 80s metal-head eager to turn a potentially violent confrontation with the sinister Klopek family into a block-party. Some of the characters are rather grating, especially Rick Ducommun's Art Weingartner, a well-meaning but obnoxious jerk. But overall characters themselves are the film's primary draw. The twist ending, though inevitable, is played off rather poorly. Why would the Klopeks do something as stupid as hijack an ambulance in a crowded neighborhood with the police and fire department nearby after spending so much time acting in perfect secrecy? It doesn't add up. In fact, The 'Burbs doesn't really add up. But it's enjoyable in an easy-going, quirky sort of way.

6/10

Chef: Jon Favreau

Anybody can make food porn: just hire a couple of chefs to whip up something really pretty and get a competent cameraman to catch it all on film. I'm aware that I'm understating how difficult it really is, but I'm trying to make a point: a good food porn film shouldn't just feature attractive looking food. Jon Favreau's Chef proves this. Although the film does feature more than its fair share of mouth-watering cuisine, it's an ode to the art of cooking as craft, as personal expression, as a force that can literally bring people together. Favreau's characters, though by no means original, are earnest and sincere--which is why I'm almost certain so many hoity-toity critics slammed it. Some of the sub-plots with minor characters don't quite work: why exactly was Robert Downey Jr. in this film again? But, much like Favreau's food, the film is simple, to the point, and straight from the heart.

8/10

Top Secret!: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker

Oh, how I've missed old school spoof comedies. Before the grim specters of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer stole the spotlight and practically ruined the genre, Abrahams, Zucker, and Zucker ruled the land with some of the greatest comedies ever made. Top Secret! more than stands on its own two feet alongside their other classics like Airplane! (1980) and Police Squad! (1982). Achingly funny and inventive, it also doubles as surprisingly competent and enjoyable rock 'n' roll musical. Who knew that Val Kilmer could sing and shimmy so well? I've read that this film is apparently Weird Al Yankovic's all-time favorite. Quite frankly, I'd be sorely disappointed in the universe if it wasn't. And after watching the book-store scene, the backwards sequences from his Amish Paradise music video suddenly make a lot more sense...

8/10

Return to Sender: Faoud Mikati

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-return-to-sender/61909.

4/10

Ten Thousand Saints: Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-ten-thousand-saints/61816.

7/10

Bad Girl: Frank Borzage

To read this review, go to: http://theretroset.com/b-roll-frank-borzages-bad-girl/.

7/10

Good Will Hunting: Gus Van Sant

[Revisit Review]

It's 11:22 PM on August 11, 2015. I just finished re-watching Gus Van Sant's Good Will Hunting for the first time in over five years. This was the first film to star Robin Williams that I have watched since his suicide exactly one year ago. And still, I don't think I was ready for it. The film itself is brilliantly written, shot, and acted. But Williams elevates it into something majestic and true. The "It's Not Your Fault" scene made me burst out in tears. And you remember the scene where Williams and Matt Damon talk on a bench in a park? Re-watching this scene, I was struck by a realization: I think Williams was talking just as much to himself (not his character, mind you) as he was to Damon.

9/10

Encounters of the Spooky Kind: Sammo Hung

There's a moment of such sublime silliness in Sammo Hung's Encounters of the Spooky Kind that I suspect it would prevent many Western viewers from regarding the film as anything other than some kind of spoof. Two fighters possessed by the spirits of two different gods bicker at each other in between blows. Their speech is an unintelligible sped-up gibberish; think of a Chinese Alvin and the Chipmunks. Of course, such a thing would probably only seem funny to Western viewers. I suspect that the original Hong Kong audiences would have reacted much differently. And therein lies the appeal of the wuxia and jiangshi genres in the West: they let us experience the cultural values and expectations of a society much different than our own. For my money Encounters of the Spooky Kind is the best jiangshi film that I've ever seen and the one that I would recommend to people new to the genre. The comedy is entertaining and not over-bearing as in many of Jackie Chan's Hong Kong films. The special effects and monster designs seem to predict Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead franchise (in fact, two scenes involving possessed hands may have been a direct influence). And the last twenty minutes or so are a martial-arts-battle/Taoist-wizard duel extravaganza!

9/10

Northwest Passage: King Vidor

Call it cowardly or unprofessional, but one of the joys of running this blog is that I don't necessarily have to give difficult movies ratings if I don't want to. If I was getting paid to write a review, then I would have to bite the bullet and give the prescribed film a score. But not so here. I refuse to give King Vidor's Northwest Passage an official score. If I was judging the film based solely on its artistic merits, I would probably give it a 7/10. After all, it's a well-made Eastern about a band of proto-American soldiers trying to survive in the wilderness. And to this extent Vidor demonstrates his characteristic brilliance with imagery and scenes involving large groups of people working together towards a common goal: troops pulling heavy canoes up and down the side of a hill; men trekking through endless fly-infested swamps; soldiers building a human chain in order to cross a rampaging river. The problem is that these soldiers experience these hardships before and after gleefully slaughtering a whole village of Native Americans. And make no mistake: the film treats the real-life St. Francis Raid wherein 300 Abenaki men, women, and children were brutally massacred as some kind of triumphant victory. Northwest Passage is one of the most racially repugnant films I've ever seen and its revisionist take on the St. Francis Raid--in the film they make a point to spare the elders, women, and children when in real life they did the exact opposite--is nothing short of nauseating. I refuse to dignify this film with a score.

The Gay Divorcee: Mark Sandrich, Ray Lissner

Even by the standards of Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire films, Mark Sandrich's The Gay Divorcee is padded beyond comprehension. For whatever reason producers always felt like they had to shoe-horn in a plot concerning the two performers meeting, falling in love, back out of love, and then back into love. But the musical numbers almost always made up for (most) of the tedious plot machinations. But in The Gay Divorcee I could only remember 3-4 song-and-dance routines in its 107-minute run-time. Yes, the grand finale The Continental takes up about 20 minutes and is absolutely fantastic. But at what cost? There simply isn't enough singing and dancing in this song-and-dance picture.

6/10

Dirty Weekend: Neil LaBute

To read this review, go to: http://theyoungfolks.com/review/movie-review-dirty-weekend/61232.

2/10

Detective Story: William Wyler

To read this review, go to: http://www.theblackmaria.org/2015/08/04/b-roll-william-wylers-detective-story-1951/.

9/10

The Affairs of Cellini: Gregory La Cava

In traditional screwball comedies, the various paramours and ingenues, schemers and hapless bystanders really didn’t have anything greater at risk than their own hearts and possibly their social standing. Not so in Gregory La Cava’s The Affairs of Cellini (1934), a film set in 16th century Florence. In this world, the only true romantic crime is being caught. And the only punishment for being caught is a romantic date with a hempen noose. Tortures and executions are so casually mentioned with such frequency that the film almost works as a proto-black comedy. I also appreciate how the swashbuckling hero, the pig-headed Benvenuto Cellini, is clearly depicted as a buffoon who only escapes the punishments of his various affairs via pure luck and the good fortune of dealing with idiot nobles who are self-absorbed and stupid enough to buy his pathetic excuses. The film itself is clearly designed to showcase its lavish production values: it features the kind of mannered acting that’s 60% loud enunciation and 60% posing in between long pauses, thereby allowing the audience to soak in the pageantry, costumes, and sets.

7/10