I was going to give Tony Markes' Bikini Island a 3/10, but the last 3 minutes so thoroughly disgusted me that I felt obligated to drop it down to a 2/10. Basically, after surviving a massacre on the eponymous 'Bikini Island,' a young model is approached by a modeling company executive, told that the rights to her traumatic story (you know, the one where EVERYONE IS BRUTALLY MURDERED) has been sold to a movie studio, and that she is going to star in the ensuing film. In the hands of a competent director, this could be a devastating critique on American commercialism. But in the world of Tony Markes, this is supposedly a happy ending. That is how Bikini Island went from simply being stupid to being insulting. I mean, the rest of the film is essentially a softcore porn without any nudity. The "plot" is that a group of bikini models are taken to an island for an extended photo shoot. For the first 45 minutes, the movie is nothing but pathetic attempts at suspense (all of which are red herrings) and extended sequences of the models frolicking around in bathing suits. Oh yeah, and in the last third everyone starts dying. It's like mid-way through production Markes remembered that he wasn't making a porno and decided to throw together a half-baked slasher movie plot. Here's what you need to know: Bikini Island is boring, poorly made, infuriating, and not even that sexy.
2/10
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