Queen of Outer Space: Edward Bernds

I was originally going to say that Edward Bernds' Queen of Outer Space doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be, but that’s isn't true. It knows EXACTLY what it wants to be: an absurd masculine power fantasy where three burly astronauts arrive at a planet populated by women and teach them how great loving men is. Tragically, this absurd premise is treated too seriously for it to work as camp. There's no moment when you can sense the film winking at the audience as if to say, "Get a load of THIS!" There is so much that can be said for how insanely misogynistic this film is. But I'll spare you all and instead focus on some objective observations concerning the film as a piece of craftsmanship. Zsa Zsa Gabor, despite her best (read: worst) Marilyn Monroe impersonation, can't act. The special effects and costumes would make Ed Wood, Jr. cackle with incredulity. I was going to chastise cinematographer William P. Whitley for his inability to frame even basic compositions, but then I learned that I had watched a miserably cropped version of the film that reduced its original 2.35 : 1 aspect ratio to about 1.33 : 1. You get a pass and the benefit of the doubt, Mr. Whitley. Everyone else does not.

2/10