Godzilla vs. Monster Zero: Ishirō Honda

No, I don't care that Godzilla vs. Monster Zero was the only film in the Japanese Godzilla franchise's history to have an American in a leading role. I don't care that it was the first Godzilla film to feature space invaders. And I don't care that it was also the last Godzilla film to feature the legendary Tokusatsu team of director Ishirō Honda, screenwriter Shinichi Sekizawa, and special effects director Eiji Tsuburaya. Godzilla vs. Monster Zero is a bad, bad, bad film. I make no secret of my disdain for the films that followed the original Godzilla (1954). To me, they bastardized one of the most powerful and skillfully crafted Japanese movies of all time. The original Godzilla was so much more than just a monster movie; it was a shocking expose of post-war Japanese fears concerning nuclear destruction and foreign occupation. In my opinion, the Godzilla franchise is akin to making Rick Blaine into a campy James Bond after the end of Casablanca (1942). But that isn't the reason for my distaste towards Godzilla vs. Monster Zero. I can appreciate wanting to watch giant monsters beat the crap out of each other. I am an avid King Kong fan and I hold a special place in my heart for the Gamera series. But even by Tokusatsu standards, Godzilla vs. Monster Zero is a bad film. It involves a race of aliens from the mysterious Planet X located right behind Jupiter which tricks mankind into sending them Godzilla and Rodan so they can use them to fight off an apparent attack from King Ghidorah. Unfortunately, they end up using Godzilla, Rodan, and King Ghidorah to subjugate earth so they can conquer it. Everything about this movie is terrible. The acting is abysmal. The cinematography gives all of the actors a yellowish tinge which makes them all appear to suffer from jaundice. And the worst part? Godzilla, Rodan, and King Ghidorah are only in the film for what must amount to only five minutes of actual screen time. If I'm going to watch a cheesy giant monster movie, then I want to see some GIANT MONSTERS! I should not be checking my watch every few minutes wondering when the men in rubber suits actually show up.

3/10